ERs across the country are busy with more life-threatening matters which are NO JOKE. The US had the deadliest day since the pandemic began yesterday with 3700+ deaths.
But I repost Defector’s list every year and we need distractions from this ongoing nightmare. And this list is as crazy as ever. One the most puzzling…
“HAS HAD A MARBLE IN HIS PENIS FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS AND DECIDED HE NEEDS IT REMOVED”
Reports are taken from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits. All descriptions are verbatim.
Objects are sorted by orifice, north to south. So, here goes…
EAR
COFFEE GROUNDS
RUBBER BANDS
SEVERAL HAIR BANDS
“PATIENT’S SIBLINGS PUT A PIECE OF PAPER IN PATIENT’S RIGHT EAR TRYING TO SHOW HIM A MAGIC TRICK”
LOLLIPOP
TOY SWORD
“TAKES SHOWER WITH EARPLUGS IN EARS IN ATTEMPT TO PREVENT WATER FROM GOING IN & NOW EARPLUG IS STUCK IN LEFT EAR”
BOBBY PIN
HAIRPIN
HAIR TRIMMER ATTACHMENT
“FOUND A BEAD AND PLACED IT IN HIS EAR SO HE WOULDN’T LOSE IT”
TOY DINOSAUR
TWEEZERS
FIBERGLASS
“CAR WAS REAR-ENDED AND HE HIT HIS HEAD ON THE BACK OF THE FRONT SEAT, C/O HEADACHES SINCE, ALSO PUT A PIECE OF PAPER IN HIS RIGHT EAR 1 MONTH AGO”
TOOTH
COMB TOOTH
DOG TOOTH
“WAS SLEEPING WHEN HER 4 YO CHILD BROKE WOODEN TIP OF A PAINT BRUSH AND PUT IT IN HER EAR”
PEN CAP
MARKER TIP
NAIL
“WAS EXPERIENCING PAIN IN EAR SO ROLLED UP PIECES OF PAPER TO PUT INSIDE IT. CHANGED THEM OUT A FEW TIMES WHEN THE LAST ONE BECAME STUCK IN EAR”
PEARL
PIECE OF WICKER CLOTHES HAMPER
“PUT A CRAYON IN EACH EAR IN SCHOOL. CRAYON REMOVED FROM RIGHT EAR BUT NOT FROM LEFT”
NECKLACE
BRACELET
RECEIPT
CLAY
“HAD EARBUDS IN HIS EARS UNDER HIS SNOWMOBILE HELMET HIT A WATER BAR AND HIS HELMET PUSHED HIS EAR BUDS DEEP INTO HIS EAR”
PLASTIC MAGIC WAND
CANDLE WAX
BLUE SLIME
“PLACED BBS IN EAR BUDS AND FORGOT THERE WERE IN THERE. STUCK THE EAR BUDS ON AND NOW HAS 2 BBS LODGED IN EAR”
SODA CAN TAB
PLASTIC SPOON
“FELT LIKE SOMETHING THERE. BURNING SENSATION, FLUSHED THE EAR AND A WORM FLUSHED OUT”
AIRSOFT PELLET, PIECE OF PURPLE CRAYON, SMALL ROCK (ALL SAME PATIENT)
NOSE
EARPLUG
CONFETTI
BALLOON
CANDY WRAPPER
FAKE DIAMOND
FLOWER
SUNFLOWER SEED
TOY CAR TIRE
TOY LIZARD TAIL
STEEL NUT
QUITE A BIT OF TISSUE PAPER
MINI FLASHLIGHT
MINI BOWLING PIN
SPONGE
TOY CARROT
BREAD
POM POM
GOOGLY EYE
SISTER’S HAIR
2 BATTERIES
PEANUT
THROAT
DISPOSABLE STRAW
METAL STRAW
PLASTIC FORK
PLASTIC CUP
PLASTIC JAIL WRISTBAND
CAT TOY
BIB
PIECE OF SOCK
“A BEE OR A WASP”
SMALL POOL BALL
HONEY
TIP OF KNIFE
METAL PIPE
SEWING NEEDLE
ELECTRICAL TAPE
THERMOMETER
GLOW STICK
SMALL AMERICAN FLAG
PENIS
COCK PLUG
TONGUE RING
BALLOON
STRING OF MAGNETIC BEADS
“PLAYING WITH PHONE AND FELL ASLEEP WHEN HE WOKE UP HIS STYLUS WAS IN HIS URETHA. INJURY OCCURRED 4 DAYS AGO AND DIDN’T SEEK TREATMENT”
PEN
PENCIL
PAINTBRUSH
“METAL SCREW IN HIS URETHRA TO CAUSE AN ERECTION”
WIRE HANGER
LANYARD
“HAS HAD A MARBLE IN HIS PENIS FOR THE PAST 4 YEARS AND DECIDED HE NEEDS IT REMOVED”
GLUE
VAGINA
SHAMPOO BOTTLE
BATTERY
PILL BOTTLE
SMALL VIBRATOR
LARGE VIBRATOR
PAPER CLIPS
“PATIENT WAS INTOXICATED 4 MONTHS AGO PLACED A CRUMBLE OF TIN FOIL INSIDE VAGINA”
FILM CANISTER
PART OF SLINKY
EYEBROW PENCIL
SCREW
PEN
3 BAGS OF METH
BULLET
ROCK
BATH BOMB
BABY SHOE
RECTUM
BOUNCY BALL
MULTIPLE MARBLES
TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER
CRAYON
“PUT A PENCIL UP RECTUM AND NOW NOT ABLE TO SIT”
NAIL POLISH BOTTLE
SHAVING GEL BOTTLE
AEROSOL CONTAINER
“PATIENT REPORTS INSERTING A DEODORANT SPRAY CAN INSIDE HIS RECTUM LAST NIGHT AS HE WAS CONSTIPATED”
“SHAMPOO BOTTLE IN HIS RECTUM THAT HE PLACED THERE BECAUSE HE THOUGHT HE WAS CONSTIPATED”
SMALL FOAM FOOTBALL
STICK
SCREWDRIVER IN ANUS, HANDLE FELL OFF
“WAS INTOXICATED & IS UNCERTAIN IF SHE USED HER ANAL BEADS OR NOT, CANT FIND THEM @ HOME […] NONE FOUND IN ER EXAM”
PIPE
VIBRATOR RING
“VIBRATOR STRUCK IN RECTUM. VIBRATOR IS STILL ON.”
5 INCH DILDO
6 INCH DILDO
7 INCH DILDO
10 INCH DILDO
APPLE
TOY SHARK
PLASTIC TURTLE
CAT TOY BELL
BASEBALL
NEWSPAPER
COLOGNE BOTTLE
BABY OIL BOTTLE
HAND LOTION BOTTLE
“WAS SQUATTING IN THE SHOWER WHEN HE GOT A SMALL BOTTLE STUCK IN HIS RECTUM”
REMOTE CONTROL
FORK
WATER BOTTLE
“3 WEEKS AGO HE WAS DRUNK AND PUT A LIGHT BULB UP HIS RECTUM.”
POOPAROOS TOY
WEEBLE WOBBLE TOY
WRITING PEN AND BOTTLE CAP
FOAM DART
6 MAGIC MARKERS
CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
“PUT DILDO INTO RECTUM 2 DAYS AGO & WAS PERFORMING DAILY ACTIVITIES WITH IT IN PLACE. WHEN RIDING LAWN MOWER THE DILDO SLID INSIDE RECTUM COMPLETELY”
(via Defector)